Expensive things

Idk why lately I think I need to proof my success by usung expensive things. This is not me, I usually not care of using branded items but udk lately I feel like I need those to make ppl think that I can afford this, and I work hard, etc. Idk what bring me to this situation

Overthink

I like what I have right now. I like my job, I like that I achieve certain point in my life where I have better life quality and better experiences.

But I dont like my cage, my body, I feel stuck in some point that i am not discipline in doing sport and dietibg. I didnt have sister and bro in christ with me, I am lazy with the house chores, I didnt finish my bible reading, I feel lonely sonetimes, afraid that when I old and sick, i will be alone

Rendah Hati

Orang yang rendah hati lebih berbahagia dibandingkan orang yang sombong. Orang rendah hati mau mengakui kesalahan dan meminta maaf.

Orang yang rendah hati mau belajar memahami sudut pandang orang lain. Jangan bersungut sungut krn itu akan mengurangi sukacitamu

Meningkatkan kebahagiaan:

1. Jadilah orang yang bisa dipercaya oleh orang lain. Usahakan kata kata dan perbuatan itu konsisten. Kepercayaan otu mahal. Perjuangkan. (Amsal 25:19 “Kepercayaan kepada pengkhianat di masa kesesakan adalah seperti gigi yang rapuh dan kaki yang goyah.”) Jangan suka bohong (Ams 28:20), selalulah tepati janji. (Maz 15:4)

Orang yang tidak dipecaya hidup dalam kehidupan yang menyedihkan. Jika anda jujur, anda akan hidup bahagia didalamnya. Jadilah org yg dapat bekerjasama dengan baik dgn orang lain. Jgn jadi org sulit, jadilah org yang bisa diajak bekerjasama. (Belajar jadi epafroditus). Penting bagi kita unt ada dlm sebuah komunitas, krn disitu kita bisa merasakan adanya keluarga, rekan sekerja, dan didalamnya ada peperangan rohani, disitulah kita bekerja sama, berperang bersama sama, melayani bersama sama)

1. Hidup untuk sesuatu yang layak diperjuangkan.

I write this in 12 June 2024 and IT COMES TRUE ONE BY ONE

I just want to be happy, full of joy, where my parent can live happily, where I can be the best version of me, where I feel save enough to be me and where ppl love me and support me.

I hope, I can be a permanent employee, I can get bonuses, i get double digit salary, i can get work life balance, I can get supportive bosses and friends. May God bless me and guide my way ✨

I wish I can be myself. Where I am not afraid to be me and where I feel accepted.

Uang tidak berkuasa atas hidupmu

Kita bekerja unt uang tp uang bukan tujuan hidup kita

Hindari ketergantungan dan keterikatan kita dgn uang. Ttpi ikatkanlah dirimu dgn Tuhan

Ketika merasa berhasil, baca Ulangan 8.

Call mommy and daddy

Ita, kamu harus sering telpon ibu bapak. Call them while they are still healthy, make them happy because time will not coming back.

You are keep growing, and so are they. They keep older. Take time to go home.

Say Nice Things to Yourself

You are smart. You can think, create ideas, understand the instruction, and do well in your job

You are brave. You come along from Malang to Surabaya to Tangerang to Jakarta for better future. You are brave enough to take an opportunity for brighter day ahead.

You are loved. God show you how big His love for you through His presence and all the miracle. Your parents misses you all the time and pray for your live everyday. Your family loves you. Your boyfriend think a lot about you and chose you to be his friend for life. Your best friends loves you and call you to let you know what they think recently.

You are valuable. God want to use you in this world to spread love, kindness, and joy. Let peple know how God loves people.

You are doing good, and you are good

2025

Diet dan nabung itu gampang. Tinggal gak usah ngapa ngapain aja

2025 learn to discipline yaa.

Discipline in reading bible and pray

Discipline in coming to office on time

Discipline in doing job on time

Discipline in saving money, stay stick to plan

Discipline in not eat food before 12 noon and after 6 evening

You will be happier, healthier, you will achieve the goal successfully.

Life Quality

Aku pernah hidup dalam kualitas hidup yang baik, resource yang cukup untuk pilih sekolah yang baik, akses pendidikan yang cukup. Pernah juga ada dalam keadaan yang memaksa aku untuk hidup pas pasan, tidak punya resource cukup untuk mengakses pengalaman yang lebih baik, hingga akhir ya puji Tuhan kembali dalam keadaan yang baik lagi saat ini karena ditunjang pendidikan. Itu membuatku berpikir bahwa memang pendidikan adalah tangga menuju kehidupan yang lebih baik. Dan aku terpanggil untuk bisa memberikan kehidupan yang lebih baik untuk orang lain, aku ingin pengalaman yg sku punya, dimiliki juga oleh orang lain. Sehingga makin besar dampak yang bisa kita berikan untuk masyarakat sec keseluruhan. Karena kalau besok mau makan apa aja kita gatau, boro boro kits mau mikirin hidup orang lain. Maka unt bisa berdampak kita harus cukup dan punya resource dulu. Aku ingin mengikuti kegiatan memutus rantai kemiskinan.

Late postt

How is your feeling today?

I feel…. abandoned. Feel misplaced, misunderstood, and get left behind….

Is it really needed to say something that could break ppls confidence?

Why are you doing that to me?

What’s wrong by being soft spoken? Why being me is a mistake? Why be my self is a weakness? While my people can see me differently, see me as passionate ppl, problem solver, and give me opportunity to grow. Why you can’t like the way i am. I never hurt anybody. I never meant to do bad things, I always did my job very well. But somehow you see that my job is not enough.

Which one is wrong? Your expectation or my expectation?

Late post

How about today?

I feel stressed. I cannot stop my bad eating habit, I eat everything I can eat in front of me, I spent money unwisely only on food and snacks, but I’m not really happy tho.

I feel not wanting boyfriend or any lovers in my life

I feel bad fot cannot answer my boss simple question just bcs I’m afraid to answer. I stucked bcs I was thinking that my wrong answer could lead to bigger anger.

I cannot think clearly bcs I was jealous on other ppl-intern who are doing more project than me. I do administrative things, he do the project. Many ppl would think that it is good bcs you get paid for doing simple job. But i was sad bcs I think she dont think I am capable for doing governance project. I am afraid of being replaced. I know this is silly, but this is a thing that I need to stand for. I need to stand to keep my self worth. This is important cause it could impact my future career path in this place. I need to show that I am capable. But i cant show thats why its sucks.

I also worry about my finance condition bcs lately I am not mindful. Hopefully in march i get a lot of bonus and thr so i can pay everything 😵‍💫

Thank God I have you and hope in my life

I think, next year I should take the opportunity to go abroad for master degree. Wish me luck ✨ PLS DONT CHANGE YOUR MIND FOR STPD REASON. GO, JUST GO! Think about yourself. You have to prove to yourself that you can, and you worthy. God pls help me

17 feb 2025

Wanna be pretty

Kalo diet dan rawat kulit bisa bikin km lebih pede jalani hari harimu, go for it. Use your money for yourself, be happy.

Cinta sudah lewat

Ak bisa tanpamu, namun tak ingin. Banyak luka sudah tertoreh, namun ntah mengapa, denganmu tak apa. Kurasa aku bisa tolerir, pikirku. Apakah ini cinta buta atau sinyal alam semesta, aku tak bisa bedakan.

Jika mengikuti rasa, tentu kan kutelpon dan kuberitahu bahwa aku rindu dan ingin denganmu.

Namun melihat fakta yang ada, denganmu begitu merepotkan dan melelahkan. Aku terus kecewa dan dibohongi. Kepercayaan dan harapanku terus dikhianati dan tidak dipedulikan. Mau sampai kapan. Aku harus buat batas, pikirku.

Namun, jika ada keinginan besar untuk berubah, dan menunjukkannya dengan segenap hati, akan selalu ada kesempatan pikirku. Namun ternyata kamu tak sabar. Kamu tidak sesabar aku yang berjuang hingga dulu, hatimu luluh. Kamu tidak sabar dan tidak mau rekonsiliasi, membuat keputusan untuk dirimu sendiri. Kamu tidak sabar kena marah, karena hal yang kamu perbuat sendiri. Kamu tidak kuat menanggung konsekuensi dari perbuatanmu sendiri. Kamu pikir, kamu bisa menghilang dan kembali seenaknya, tanpa memerdulikan kekecewaanku. Kamu tidak kuat menyalahkan dirimu sendiri, karena harus ada disekitarmu yang jadi tempat salah. Semua salah orang lain. Semua salah keadaan, salahku, salah orang lain, salah tuhan. Kalau aku belum bisa memaafkanmu, pun itu salahku. Kapan kamu akan dewasa dan mengerti bahwa kamu harus menelan konsekuensi dari apa yang kamu perbuat, bertanggun jawab, dan berkomitmen untuk disiplin menyelesaikan masalahmu sendiri. Boro boro menyelesaikan, mengakui kebohongan dan ketidak konsistenanmu saja, tidak kamu lakukan. Bagaimana cara untuk percaya lagi. Aku ingin, tapi aku lelah. Apakah memang semelelahkan ini? Never ending journey, to forgive same mistakes overyears, knowing same lie and inconsequence habit will happen without commitment to do better next day.

Sucksss

My new office……. Is good, but some ppl in my department are….. sucks

how can they think that bataknesse or shouting is the best way to survive and they think they are cool. Shtp

I want to get…..

A boyfriend, husband-to-be yang anak Tuhan, cinta Tuhan, ga susah diajak gereja, persekutuan, tajir, mapan, dewasa, baik hati, karakternya baik, pintar menabung, sayang aku banget dan sayang keluargaku, sehat, panjang umur.

A letter

First of all, I would like to thank you for the time we have together.

I’ve been thinking, and I have to say this to you.

I’ve been patient for many years. Mad and disappointed with the same issues for the past five years and nothing really change. I give you chance to grow and tried to help you to change. Nothing has improved and it is affecting my joy, my respect to you. And I am thinking of walking away.

I ask my self, if I stay, will I be truly happy? Or I will just stay in guilt and fear?

Last few weeks, there is no communication between us. I was almost ready to give up and walk away. I feel disconnected.

I hope you fully understand that I want a partner who are mature, brave enough to talk and fix a problem, and a man who fully responsible, lead me to positive things, and responsible financially, as it affect many aspects of our life. Security, and even peace of mind.

Speaks about financial situation, I wonder how to let you know that your condition affect me a lot? Im asking my self. Does he really acknowledge his problem and try to fix it? Does he aware that he keep repeating the same pattern over and over again? Does he know that I start to think that the CHANCE to change his spending and debt behavior is very low? Nothing change for the past 5 years. You still rely on debt and uses spending on food as coping mechanism of stress. It is a recurring problem. I know the reason, but you doesn’t seems like want to fix the problem, try to find a solution, or to maybe talk to some professional to fix this. Im asking my self, does he know that I am frustrated and even start imagining different future without him. Does he know that his silenced every time we argue about money frustrated me. Does he know that I might take many opportunities ahead, instead of waiting for him to come and say hey I’m settle, I have a good life and ready to build a new home with you, which never come. And maybe never will.

I start thinking that I deserve a partner who share same values and dreams. It makes me sad at first, but I want my children to see somebody they can follow. Someone who is discipline, acknowledge the problem, and make things happen to fix problem and improve their life. Not the one who keep falling into the same cycle, spending recklessly when stressed. It is exhausting, to be the one who carrying the weight. 

Im asking my self again, do I feel okay dealing with the same thing 5-10 years from now, or more. Being bumper for your financial condition doesn’t makes me happy. I cannot imagine the future. Do you think I have to carry this for a long term?

Ive been patient and try my best to be supportive and helpful, given you chances, and tried to help you to change. But if something hasn’t improved and it’s affecting my happiness and respect for you, should I walk away?

At first Im fearing karma, but hey, I have tried my best. Im not hurting you unfairly. To leave, is a choice. For my life. Instead of thinking about karma, then I ask myself: If I stay, will I be truly happy?