I Hope He Can See What I See

I hope he can see what I see through my eyes. I hope, he know what I feel deep inside my heart.

I feel thirsty. I don't want to be this clingy and begging so hard for attention, I never want this in my life. But I feel thirsty, that's why I ask for help.

It's not because I don’t want to wait, but I don’t know the situation. And my disappointment makes everything sounds like a bullshit.

I’m waiting, for a long time. The explosion of my emotion, is not because I wait one time only. I wait many times for the blue edited photo, to post my photo, to take a picture of me secretly, to show people that he proud of me, since the beginning, until now. I did many things to make him proud of me so I didn't get compared to another girl anymore. I don't wanna be compared, because it makes me never be good enough.

And the jealousy was getting triggered by the fact that He didn’t sound like he want me to join him and letting his friends knows me. This triggered me, I hope this was just my own feeling, that's why I need to ask, to re-assure his feeling about me. Does he need me to stay or not? Does he want me or not? I don't want to be here alone. I'm afraid, I will only hurt myself. I'm afraid, I fall in love alone. That's why I need to re-assure.

I ask and need Him to proof it. That he wants me. The way he did everything about 'her' and show it to his friend, I want it too. Like he edited their photo together, stalk her, ask about her life, and show it to his friends like he want to marry her. I want the same thing and same effort like what he did to her. I want the feeling to be liked, adored and I want to make sure that he wants me in his life. That’s all. I want him to make me sure that he belongs to me.

I’ve explain this…….. Many times.......... Trust me I've communicate my feelings, I did. But he didn’t make any action. I wait, day by day, until he ask me to shut up. Maybe I was too clingy. I'm not sure, is that wrong? But if that was wrong, I'm sorry. 

I just, love him very much. But I know, I should not put my ego too much. I should know that he have another priority. And right now, it is not me.

But the fact that he have time to scroll on social media, to erase my photo from his highlight, mesmerized me. He do have time actually.

I wish, someday you will have time to remember me again, and feel that my feeling, is important too, or if you still find it difficult to show me to public, to put my photo in your feeds, that’s fine too. I will not beg for anything anymore. Will not beg to comment, to like, to edit my photo, whatsoever. That is only a simple action that actually could make me smile all day. But if that's bother you, that's fine. Sorry for that, I really, sorry.